VENUS IS WHERE I BELONG...TOTALLY!!

That day when i came out to R she was quite shocked  because we have been together  for 3 years and she never suspected anything and not only i told her i am gay but also that i am in a relationship!!.. So i can imagine how she must have been feeling but was quiet all the time to not let "all that freaking out episode" happen. She wasn't being judgemental which is her usual self and i knew "the case" ain't close yet.. Today she called up, wanted to see me and "talk" i got the hint though, i was calm and let her start. She asked me all sorts of questions(all over again) maybe its just a phase? how do you know? why didn't you ever tell me? and you don't look like a lesbian at all? don't you ever feel anything for guys?? what about all those crushes you had? and  i answered them one by one patiently. Here is what i have to say which is not only my story, almost everybody out there agrees more or less..

1.ITS JUST A PHASE!
--all i can say to that is NO its not a phase cos i have always known, was just trying to convince my senses that i am not. But I am born that way.

2. HOW DO YOU KNOW?
--well i always knew..its simple as that. Since the day i knew there are girls and boys out there, i knew i had a thing for girls. I knew nothing of sex, attraction and friendship or anything of that sort back then but still it was like boys don't exist!!..I grew up, got to know a little, like girls and boys date and are called girlfriend and boyfriend and all that stuff i was supposed to know. But i could never imagine a boy by my side, I continued admiring girls and i convinced myself that i envy these beautiful girls, that i want to be like them later i realized i "wanted them" not wanted to be like them :P ;). But it was wrong because that's not right according to "normal" people around me. And i kept telling myself that i have totally lost my mind and i should think like other girls do, that is like guys!! till last year when i finally came out to myself.

3.WHY DIDN'T YOU EVER TELL ME?
--How could i tell you when i was lying to myself all this time.I took a lot of time to be comfortable with who i am and i wasn't ready...now that i am fine and not just fine i am proud of being who i am and also because i have the courage to be myself, so i told you. :)

4.YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE A LESBIAN AT ALL!
--Two questions among confused and rather lost minds are-what are the symptoms, how will you know if a girl is gay and about her looks..both are related to some extent. Being gay is not a disease so there is nothing like symptoms. Now about the looks well, there are people of all sizes and shapes be it gay or straight, they have different style statement, they go with what they feel comfortable in, something that defines their individuality. So there are some lesbians who find themselves more comfortable in say, dressing up as a guy(which is always related to her being gay) but thats not the fact. A girl can be a tomboy and not  be gay, on the other hand a girl can be very girlish and gay! So you can never tell if a girl is gay or not just by looking at her.
As far as i am concerned i used to carry boyish looks till i was 13. Then i grew my hair longer, went for a more girlish look cos i am more comfortable with that. Now my look is sort of neutral neither boyish nor very girlish.My look has nothing to do with my orientation.

5.DON'T YOU EVER FEEL ANYTHING FOR GUYS?
--NO never. I find them good friends. I get along with guys pretty nicely. But nothing more than that. They exist but i am not concerned about there existence at all.

6.WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE CRUSHES YOU HAD?
--I lied. As i said before i was trying hard to fit in and convince myself that i am normal , i too like guys. So if i ever met or saw a guy, who seemed "eligible" enough to have a crush on, i'd just declare to my friends that i like him!

And now closet is becoming highly irritating, its not comfortable anymore, its never been actually.
Embers whisper but now they wanna shout it out loud!!
i want to walk hand in hand with My Lady, I want to tell my friends i was not really missing i was on a date with her, i don't want to hide it when her name flashes on my cell's screen and i have a 1000 watts ear o ear smile.

So thats pretty much it.
Venus is where i belong..and i love it :)