2011 hasn't been very good so far, as in..okay simply i'm bored. Nothing really happens around here and also as i keep moving and never stayed at one place for more than 2 years i'm starting to freak out and want to move out of here ASAP!
I suppose its this phase, i feel lost and wonder what exactly is going on, where am i going from here, whats my direction and if its right or not, i am confused and frustrated for many reasons and sometimes for no reason!...i don't know if its just me or others face it too and the worst part is i don't want to talk about this to anyone i feel they won't understand and then explaining my point over and over again, is going to irritate me further.
All my friends, cousins, neighbors even strangers seem to be moving on and i feel stuck! They have finished their studies and are now independent, well technically i am younger to all of them so obviously it will take time for me to be there, so then maybe i am just restless, but then why am i restless if i now all of this already!
One of my best friends has moved to another city, we are not in touch for a month now. Its killing me inside because first i am hurt, second we have little bit of history, so considering that i am trying to figure out why exactly shes doing this.
She seems to be confused, as in i think shes gay, no actually i am pretty sure she is. But she wouldn't accept it neither am i going to tell her "sweetie there's nothing wrong you are just gay, you like girls"!. We started off as friends and during that time i was in the process of figuring out that i am different and she helped a lot because i had a major crush on her(shes also the first person i came out to in person), i also realized that our friendship was different, i mean this crush thing was mutual to some extent, but was more clear to me because i knew i like girls.
Now, she started giving me all those signals even though she knows i have a girlfriend , it always made me wonder if shes trying to tell me indirectly or i have simply lost my mind. When she was about to leave, she stopped talking and seeing me, i asked her what is it, she just said its going to be really hard for her to leave me and she wants to get used to of this distance (it definitely didn't sound like some straight-girl-saying-goodbye-to-her-best-friend-whose-not-crushing-over-her)..i didn't know how to respond to that and i kept on pestering her to meet me and not leave without meeting but she did, she left without a word!
I see her updates on facebook and she sees mine but we don't communicate. Its awkward, but i sure don't want it to go this way. Sometimes i think if i were her maybe i would have done the same thing, but then its not right, at least talk we are friends after all!
I miss her.
I have got few friends, shes the awesomest, weirdest, geekiest, stupidest, funniest and craziest of them all, i love being with her, she has great taste in music and books. I just want everything out in the open, whatever it is.
well i'll always wish for her to be happy, healthy and safe.
I suppose its this phase, i feel lost and wonder what exactly is going on, where am i going from here, whats my direction and if its right or not, i am confused and frustrated for many reasons and sometimes for no reason!...i don't know if its just me or others face it too and the worst part is i don't want to talk about this to anyone i feel they won't understand and then explaining my point over and over again, is going to irritate me further.
All my friends, cousins, neighbors even strangers seem to be moving on and i feel stuck! They have finished their studies and are now independent, well technically i am younger to all of them so obviously it will take time for me to be there, so then maybe i am just restless, but then why am i restless if i now all of this already!
One of my best friends has moved to another city, we are not in touch for a month now. Its killing me inside because first i am hurt, second we have little bit of history, so considering that i am trying to figure out why exactly shes doing this.
She seems to be confused, as in i think shes gay, no actually i am pretty sure she is. But she wouldn't accept it neither am i going to tell her "sweetie there's nothing wrong you are just gay, you like girls"!. We started off as friends and during that time i was in the process of figuring out that i am different and she helped a lot because i had a major crush on her(shes also the first person i came out to in person), i also realized that our friendship was different, i mean this crush thing was mutual to some extent, but was more clear to me because i knew i like girls.
Now, she started giving me all those signals even though she knows i have a girlfriend , it always made me wonder if shes trying to tell me indirectly or i have simply lost my mind. When she was about to leave, she stopped talking and seeing me, i asked her what is it, she just said its going to be really hard for her to leave me and she wants to get used to of this distance (it definitely didn't sound like some straight-girl-saying-goodbye-to-her-best-friend-whose-not-crushing-over-her)..i didn't know how to respond to that and i kept on pestering her to meet me and not leave without meeting but she did, she left without a word!
I see her updates on facebook and she sees mine but we don't communicate. Its awkward, but i sure don't want it to go this way. Sometimes i think if i were her maybe i would have done the same thing, but then its not right, at least talk we are friends after all!
I miss her.
I have got few friends, shes the awesomest, weirdest, geekiest, stupidest, funniest and craziest of them all, i love being with her, she has great taste in music and books. I just want everything out in the open, whatever it is.
well i'll always wish for her to be happy, healthy and safe.
Hey girl! It's been a long time. I think your feelings of restlessness and confusion are way more common than you think. We all wonder and worry about our future and what's to come and if what we are doing is the 'right' thing that will yield the 'right' results.
ReplyDeleteAs for your friend, I would be really hurt and probably mad. I would recommend you continue to send well wishes her way and maybe message her on FB and see what happens from there.
OMG! So I just saw the date on this post. I guess now I have to wonder if these things are even a present issue anymore. How have things progressed in the past couple of months? Best of luck...
ReplyDeleteHey! good to hear from you after soooooo long, where have you been???
ReplyDeletethings are still the same with her, she has even deleted her facebook account!